... it's been forgotten

I'm actually doing really well now.

I moved in with my cousin in central Brest, and I'm having a great, man-free life.

I don't even feel like I need this journal anymore.
I seemed to use it just to get things out.

Maybe I really will delete it.

it had been such a good few months until now....

... and here I am hyperventalating in a panic attack over almost nothing.
If I wasn't so sure it would make things worse if I cut... I would be such a bloody mess right now. But it's useless.
I'm useless.


I SUCK.

I hate how when my friends are going through shit, they automatically decide whatever I'm going through isn't worth the worry or the time. How they decide that they're situation is so much worse....

and maybe it is, but that doesn't stop my feelings from existing.

Loosing a family hurts.
I want my family back too.

i'm still in love with this guy.
it's been 2 years.
And he's moving away... on his own.
and i'm stuck at stupid college.
stupid stupid college... where I don't belong.


I'm so jealous

where has my soul gone??

I hurts me sometimes.
to give and give and give.
and do and do and do....
and I remain worthless.

I could disappear, and no one would notice.

It hurts to have someone call you their best friend.
And then only a week later for them to completely ignore you.


I need to know what I'm doing wrong.
But no one will tell me.
They just leave.

Ignore me forever.

I was very insecure and ignored as a child.
I lied a lot to raise my status.

I don't do that anymore.
But sometimes I think that bad side of me shows through.
Maybe that's why I can't keep my friendships.

I'm worthless.

If you don't like me...
say it to my face BITCH.

I don't think I can stand anymore, how people fawn over me, and then within a week or two, decide I am the most worthless person on the planet.

Don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't touch me, don't think about me, don't listen to me, don't feel for me, don't care for me....

... because you already had your chance.

AND YOU FAILED!